Healing From Narcissistic Abuse

Tamara Low

Energetic Freedom Coach, Author

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This a follow up article to “How to Understand and Identify Narcissistic Abuse?”

The Codependent and the Narcissist both harbour inner wounds at their core, as we see in “What is Narcissism?” and in “What is Codependency?” At this time, I would like to focus more on the Codependent’s inner wounds and why and how it’s so easy to be swayed, influenced, impacted, and harmed by those with Narcissistic Personality Disorder (and other Cluster B’ types). This article also includes learning about the energetics of “energy vampires” in our lives, and steps and suggestions towards healing.  

Codependency- Inner Child Wounds

Codependents become disassociated from their “inner trauma child” because during the childhood critical attachment phase, they were so deeply hurt and gaslit, writes Ross Rosenburg, and as protection, and in the attempts to keep the person safe, the brain hermetically seals the trauma. In other words, it is kept away from our awareness. Also, as a child, they had to suspend their own ideas, feelings, and perceptions for someone else, to be loved, and this caused them to “disappear.”

The body is the voice of that child, and your body’s memories are the doorway to which we can remember and free our inner child(ren) continues Ross Rosenburg. The memories are not meant to come back unless you are in a safe place. Body (somatic) memories can be safely accessed and processed through Emotional Freedom Techniques. EFT Trainer, Craig Weiner, calls EFT one of the most powerful somatic (body) release techniques. I agree!

Meredith Miller says until we are healed, our nervous system is programmed to recognize abuse as love and home; therefore, we will often attract “the pull of familiarity”; those with a similar energy, frequency and vibration to those that harmed us. She says, “until you train your nervous system otherwise and break the trauma bond with the original abuser, you will try to resolve past lessons of abuse with new abusive people.” Cognitive dissonance (confusion) keeps us stuck, as, on the one hand, this person is abusive and controlling, and on the other hand, they show intermittent acts of kindness. This can cause the mind to forget the abusive parts (abuse amnesia).

The Energetic Impact Behind Narcissistic Abuse- Psychic Vampires 

A lot takes place on an energetic, “unseen” level, between a Codependent and a Narcissist. Ross Rosenburg describes “the plane of reality” between Codependents and Narcissists as vibrational in nature. If someone is not aware of the life force energy of Source, says Matt Khan, they are more apt to try and plug into you as their energy source. This has been termed “energy vampirism.” Susan Shumsky describes this as “a quality of weakness in others, and that weakness feeds on your strength and light. They demand your attention, love, time, and life force” and as a result, they drain your energy and suck it dry.

A person that has a weak, collapsed, or punctured aura is particularly susceptible to psychic (or energy) vampires (as well as lower energies, difficult experiences, mental illness, and disease) as you cannot energetically protect yourself from being drained (Shumsky).

The spiritual layer (of our aura) says Diane Kathrine, is connected to all of the chakras but predominantly the throat, third eye and crown chakras. It is thought that this is the layer that energy vampires attach themselves to when they drain energy. Dr Ramani Durvasula says energy vampires also suck out whatever security or sense of self they have and leaves them completely insecure.

Healing from Narcissistic Abuse 

To heal from Narcissistic Abuse, I believe that first and foremost, we need to adopt deep kindness and compassion for ourselves and all that we have been though. We need to feel safe in our physical and emotional environments.

In the case of Codependency, our early attachment trauma needs to be addressed, and our inner child needs to be recognized, seen, acknowledged, heard and embraced. I encourage you to seek out the assistance of those specifically trained in assisting with this. Our unconscious programming needs to be addressed. This includes being aware of our thoughts, beliefs and feelings about ourselves that stem from our early experiences and all that we unconsciously absorbed. Our body and behaviour also give us as clues to what is going on deep within us. The deep shame that we feel due to this early inner wounding needs to be addressed.

Our beliefs, thoughts, feelings, emotions and body sensations are the level where I feel that EFT (emotional freedom technique) is a masterful accompaniment in the healing process! We unconsciously accepted someone else’s version of who they thought we should be, to please them. In releasing and letting go of old programming, we can learn who we truly are at our core.

Lisa Romano says, “when you are abused as a child, it is impossible to learn how to set boundaries for the self, because being ignored, neglected or abused had been the norm, the brain has no template for how to protect the divine inner child because our feelings have never mattered, our brain has no data for healthy boundaries.” On our healing journey, this becomes essential to learn. Having healthy boundaries allows us to release or let go of anyone that is not able to treat us kindly, honestly and respectfully.

We often take on blame (and beat ourselves up) for things that are not our fault, such as getting involved or entangled “with someone who used our beautiful traits against us”, says Debbie Mirza. They are master manipulators that could fool just about anyone. Healing at its deepest level ensures that we attract healthy, kind, balanced, honest, truthful and respectful people into our lives.

End Summary

We are empathic and sensitive beings that developed adaptive strategies that resulted in covering up who we are. Susan Forward says you have been wounded, not ruined, and great wisdom can come from your wounds: compassion, empathy, a sensitive barometer that lets you know when people are mistreating you. We then take ALL of our new understandings, wisdom, and awareness into our lives and live our authentic truth. That is a powerful thing! There is a quote from Judith Orloff that deeply resonates with me, “as an Empath, you are part of a counter-cultural revolution to put what is humane back into humanity.” We are all in this together, and our healing is also of deep benefit to others, and the planet that we all share!

Reach out and schedule your free 15-minute call today!

To the power of embodying and fully embracing our TRUE selves,

Tamara

Related Articles


References:

  • Durvasula, Ramani S. “Don’t you know who I am?” How to Stay Sane in an Era of Narcissism, Entitlement, and Incivility (p 11). Post Hill Press. 2019. 
  • Forward, Susan. Mothers Who Can’t Love (pp. 33-34, 50, 132). Harper. Kindle Edition. 
  • Kathrine, Diane. How to Heal Leaky Aura Syndrome. 2017 and Diane Kathrine’s Empaths Empowered Blog-  Are you a Narcissist Target?
  • Miller, Meredith. Inner Integrations. YouTube.
  • Mirza, Debbie. The Covert Passive Aggressive Narcissist: Recognizing the Traits and Finding Healing After Hidden Emotional and Psychological Abuse (30). Safe Place Publishing. Kindle Edition. 
  • Rosenberg, M.Ed., LCPC, CADC, CSAT, Ross. The Human Magnet Syndrome: The Codependent Narcissist Trap. Morgan James Publishing. Kindle Edition. 
  • Shumsky, Susan G. Exploring Auras (page 149, 155, 174). New Page Books. 2006. Page 

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Soulful Purpose in Business

Wouldn’t it be incredible if we were all encouraged to find our soulful purpose from a young age?

Imagine how your life and work would be different as a free-spirited HSP/Empath. It’s never too late to reclaim those buried or dormant parts. You CAN live and work with more meaning, authenticity, and enjoyment. It’s a matter of clearing the blocks that are getting in your way. Using EFT, I can help you with that.

The challenge for free-spirited, creative HSP/Empaths:

I have always felt the profound significance of living authentically with soul purpose. To live free of conditioned paradigms (that do not work for us). And to experience creativity, joy, and wonder.

Still, like most of us, I was trained to follow, ‘fit in,’ and got swept up in conditioned paradigms and expectations. 

When we are young, we learn by observing and adapting to our worldly surroundings. We are often told or shown by our parent(s), caregivers, and society at large who THEY THINK we are and should be. It’s about WHO they want us to be, WHAT they want us to do, say, or behave like, and what they think we should DO. This can create an immense amount of confusion.

Unconsciously, we can become controlled and led by beliefs that were learned and taught. Often, they do not even have origins in who we are and how we desire to live. It is so incredibly easy to become lost and deviated.

The trouble is, we are beautiful spirits designed to create, express, learn, grow, share, and explore. To live a life that is from us. Meant for us. And to BE FREE of conditioning. Free from the layers of pain, hurt, trauma, shoulds, and have to’s that direct us away from our true nature, uniqueness, and soulful purpose.

It’s painful to be a free-spirited, creative HSP/Empath trying to navigate and fit in where we do not belong. This can result in depression, anxiety, deep discontentment, and frustration, etc. 

The good news is that there are things we can do to retrieve and reclaim those buried or dormant parts of us. The parts and expectations that are not a fit for us. And to heal the parts of us that do not believe it’s possible to be ourselves. So we can do what we love OR take the risk to do something else that is more in line with us!

How do we make the needed changes to align with our purpose/soulful path?

I have had many unfulfilling jobs in my life and a two-decade business that was not soulfully fulfilling for me. I felt deeply bored, stuck, and trapped. My discontentment kept getting louder, and my spirit would no longer let me look away. Making a leap into the unknown felt terrifying. I did not know what my financial future was going to hold. But I knew that I HAD to do whatever it took to find where my soul was longing to be.

I did A LOT of EFT sessions on all the fear, paralysis, terror, guilt, etc. lying under making the change. It took a deep desire, diligence, openness (and a bit of courage) to remove the fears and conditioning so I could realign with my path. But it is so worth it!

And in the end, it ALL turned out even better than I could have imagined!

You know the expression ‘the universe has your back’? Well, once I cleared all the energetic blocks and fears, things started falling into place. I felt utterly ‘taken care of’ in the broader sense. And I believe everyone can access it if that is in their heart and soul’s desires!

The power of alignment:

I was listening to an interview with EFT Master Carol Look, and she sums this up extremely well by saying, “…appreciation is the energy of alignment. Manifestations follow emotions, and when you are in the emotion of appreciation, that is when things start to shift on that vibrational (or energy) level.”

When we are in the alignment or frequency of flow, life can bring us all kinds of miraculous things with ease. Ideas, solutions, inspirations, seeing things differently, opportunities.

Look goes on to say that, “when we are in alignment, we are open to all possibilities and can appreciate them when they arise.” 

Yes!! I have seen this over and over in my own life! So, to get into alignment, we need to remove the incongruencies (aka negative limiting beliefs, fears, etc.). Then life energy is free to flow in us, and we can create joy and beauty through our alignment! 

How EFT Helps us to Get Into Alignment With Our Uniqueness and Soulful Purpose:  

Shoulds, have to’s, guilt, shame, fear, mistrust, etc., are NOT in the energy of alignment. What is? Authenticity, passion, purpose, curiosity, meaning, trust, faith, expressing our uniqueness and true selves.

Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT) helps us learn about, observe, hear, and accept how we FEEL. With honesty and compassion, we can honour what’s happening (unconsciously) in our inner worlds! It helps us to gain clarity, insight, and inner knowing. When we are open, we can better understand ourselves and the parts and places that need care and healing.

It has helped me gain insight and understanding in a profound way. I have developed compassion for myself. Freed myself from layers upon layers of conditioned thoughts and beliefs. Released deep emotional pains and burdens. BE me. Live and create a life in line with me.

EFT also helps us to regulate our nervous system so that we experience more balanced calm. Then, with openness and curiosity, we can hear our inner knowing, wisdom, and what our spirits reveal to us!

We Are Not Meant to Fit Into or Conform to Societal Norms and Structures!

We are here to find, reveal, and cultivate the path that is unique to only us!

I am in awe of how beautifully unique everyone is. Unique gifts, talents, abilities, goals, passions, desires, energetic vibration, and soulful purpose(s). Each of us is an essential piece of the bigger puzzle of existence here on Earth.

From my perspective, free Spirited HSPs and Empaths are here to assist in breaking free of old, toxic, harmful, and worn-out institutions and paradigms. We can see/feel/know things that are not aligned with truth and love. So we have essential elements to offer and contribute to healing in the world/planet.

The world needs the energy, skills, compassion, love, care, heart, creativity, kindness, peace, wisdom, etc. of HSP/Empaths…

Getting Support to re-emerge with Soulful Purpose in your Business (as an HSP/Empath):

I am here to support you in celebrating your uniqueness. To help you re-emerge as who you were (before being caught up in cultural and societal conditioned and false beliefs about yourself). If you don’t feel like you fit or belong – you are not meant to!

Book a 15 min discovery link call and we can begin to honour and discover your unique soul’s path!! What you dream of, lights you up, gives you goosebumps, and fills you with joy, freedom, and aliveness!! 

What if you could authentically do what you love AND experience the universe’s support via financial security?

Would you be doing something different in your business right now? Elsewhere?

Let’s explore and see!

Tamara

 

Welcome to Sensitive Soul Path

I am passionate about Highly Sensitive People (HSP) and Empaths living beautifully authentic and inspired lives!

 

 I delight in assisting people to gently uncover the parts and places (in us) that are longing and need to be heard. Our feelings and body sensations hold MUCH wisdom! Often, we try to push away feelings we have labelled as uncomfortable, scary, wrong, or shameful. In locking them in, we cannot hear and understand their deeper meaning, what they are really trying to communicate to us. It also affects our energy and interest levels, and health. 

 

When we gently give voice to locked-in emotions and sensations, we can discover the gifts and wisdom they offer and become energetically free to BE ourselves completely! 

 

  1. Where is your inner voice and soul’s purpose guiding and directing you (to which people, situations, service, passions, gifts, etc.)?

          2. What is wanting to be heard, said, released or done?

 I love to work with HSPs and Empaths that love to do safe, deep inner exploring work to release the layers that do not serve them and their purpose, such as

 

  • clearing and unravelling the energetic blocks along their soul path. These could be unconscious beliefs we took in as a child. 
  • to break free from harmful conditioning in all its forms that do not fit our soul’s purpose and embrace all of themselves and a life fulfilling and authentic to them! 
  • energetically removing yourself from being bogged down by other people’s negative energy or expectations, e.g. do you stay in a situation because of guilt and shame? 
  • clearing the energetic residue of what is keeping you stuck and paralyzed in places and situations that do not resonate in harmony with your souls. 
  • external drains and pressures that do not come from our true desires 
  • clearing the blocks and barriers to accepting and caring for ourselves at the deepest levels.
  • balance our sensitive nervous systems

 If you answered ‘Yes!’ to any of the following questions, Emotional Freedom Techniques (EFT or ‘Tapping’) and/or Pranic Healing could assist you. Please ask me how! 

 

Do you?

  • want and need to make a significant change, but fear, guilt or shame is leaving you paralyzed, preventing you from taking that leap?
  • feel bogged down by other people’s expectations, societal pressures, and early conditioning? 
  • are you aware of how many expectations you have of yourself that don’t actually belong to you?
  •  feel like you do not fit into society and the existing paradigms and institutions?
  • is the pace of society too busy and rushed for you and your nervous system?
  • struggle with SHOULDS? And as a result, feel like you are not living a life in alignment with your TRUE self?

 Does any of this leave you feeling frustrated, bored, disillusioned, anxious, angry, depressed, unfulfilled, stuck, etc.? 

 

While avoiding external pressures can feel challenging on many levels, ultimately, this is what I believe:

 

 We (HSP Empaths) are not meant to try and “fit in”; we are meant to SEE and FEEL and BE in the world from OUR unique perspective and soul’s purpose!! 

Emotional Freedom Techniques are especially helpful in supporting HSP Empath healing and empowerment:

Emotional Freedom Techniques (also called EFT, or “Tapping”) is a masterful way to gain clarity and insight. EFT helps remove the energetic and emotional blocks, fears, beliefs, and emotions (such as shame) from the body.

Struggle and/or emotional pain is a block or disruption in our body’s energy system. Our body gives us clues through feelings and sensations about what is happening within us (e.g. a sore stomach, tight chest). Similarly, it tells us how we feel around others and in certain environments. 

In other words, our body tells us when something is not in alignment. With that awareness, we have the power to shift it.

Benefit of an EFT practitioner and Energetic Freedom Coach for HSP/ Empaths:

My goal is to provide a SAFE, compassionate, secure, and non-judgemental space for you to peel back the layers to release what no longer serves you (aka all those SHOULDs).

SHOULDs, HAVE TOs, and other people’s expectations don’t have to hold you back from your passions and stop you from embracing your brilliant, sensitive, and empathic nature.

You CAN live a life in a way that feels TRUE to you….

If you are curious about how EFT can help you care for your HSP Empath nature, I’d love to have a no-pressure chat.

Reach out and schedule your free 15-minute call today or email tamara@sensitivesoulpath.com

Warmly, Tamara