How Codependency Impacts Us

Tamara Low

Energetic Freedom Coach, Author

Share on facebook
Share on twitter
Share on email
Share on linkedin

Codependency programming ensures that our identity, love, validation, approval, peace, and sense of safety rely solely on others. Codependency Impacts us in numerous ways, including:

  • We falsely believe that other people and situations are responsible for our happiness or lack thereof.
  • We completely abandon ourselves and our wounded (and deeply afraid) inner child(ren) for the sake of others.

This can feel like an emotional, psychological, and physical prison that may come to feel like this is how things will always be, that it’s somehow our fate. Gratefully, I know from personal experience that it does not have to be!

Codependent Empaths

Codependent Empaths tend to be hypersensitive to everything in their surroundings. They deeply feel, notice, and are impacted by subtle nuances in others, their energy, state of mind, mannerisms, gestures, tone of voice, disapproval, criticism etc. This provides them with constant feedback regarding their safety, lovability, worth, etc. and affects them, their behaviour and their nervous system in very deep and profound ways!

Stacy Hoch distinguishes between a Codependent and an Empath, saying, “the Codependent is the fixer, and the Empath is the healer. We have to be with another person to be Codependent, but this is not the case for being an Empath.”

Codependency can be described as (but not limited to):

  1. An external dependency on others for acceptance, validation, approval, and to feel good about ourselves. 
  2. Not having your own solid identity, becoming void of ourselves for the sake of someone else. 

Please see “What is Codependency” for more!

How Codependency Might Impact Our Lives:

  • We seek permission from others. 
  • Our self-esteem is validated by what we do and others’ opinions of us. 
  • We can struggle to meet our own needs. 
  • Asserting oneself is almost impossible.
  • We create behaviours that assist in denying, ignoring or preventing difficult emotions. 
  • Can be very self-destructive and self-sabotaging as being self-abusive is what we were taught. 
  • Codependents often isolate themselves; deep core shame and loneliness are at the heart. 

The impact of Codependency Programming

Lisa A. Romano says children love without the gift of objectivity; they ARE love, so children who experience rejection and abandonment love those who hurt, abuse and push them away. They never outgrow that desire to be loved by an energy whose vibrations match the person who abandoned them.

However, they needed to be taught to love, be cared for, respect themselves and feel worthy and deserving of love. Often a parent or caregiver was hurt and wounded and did not have this to give to us or show their child(ren). Regardless, it is foundational to a healthy sense of self and healthy relationships!

Without this kind of objectivity in place, says Romano:

Wounded adults are doomed to love without boundaries, limits and objectivity. This makes us targets for narcissists (and narcissistic abuse), sociopaths, and psychopaths- on a conscious level, we experience the other as a soulmate. However, far beyond their conscious awareness are the deeper and darker feelings of dysfunctional familiarity.”

Lisa A Romano. The Breakthrough Life Coach. YouTube.

This is SOOOOOO pivotal to know and understand on our healing and awareness journey!!

It does not have to be this way!

According to Lisa Romano, Codependents learn early that ‘we do not have the right to our feelings, that it is not ok to have a need, a want, to cry or say no.’ We learned that we needed to comply, be easy, no trouble, invisible, good, and to smile instead of cry. This is something that I definitely absorbed as a child and have been unravelling and releasing that old story and energy hold!

Emotional Freedom Techniques can gently assist us in releasing the energy baggage of the early (and anytime) false and limiting beliefs about ourselves, worth, safety and livability!

My passion is to offer energetic and educational support to others on their wholeness journey and heal the places where codependency impacts us and our lives, with the ultimate goal of reacquainting with our TRUE selves, frequency power, health, voice inner peace!

Reach out and schedule your free 15-minute call today or email tamara@sensitivesoulpath.com

See the sister articles to this one, “What is Codependency”, “Healing and Understanding Codependency.

If you are interested in a list of “Codependent Thoughts and Beliefs to Tap On” (please click on the link).

Sign Up For New Articles

Receive by email my latest newsletter/articles

Soulful Purpose in Business

Wouldn’t it be incredible if we were all encouraged to find our soulful purpose from a young age?

Imagine how your life and work would be different as a free-spirited HSP/Empath. It’s never too late to reclaim those buried or dormant parts. You CAN live and work with more meaning, authenticity, and enjoyment. It’s a matter of clearing the blocks that are getting in your way. Using EFT, I can help you with that.

The challenge for free-spirited, creative HSP/Empaths:

I have always felt the profound significance of living authentically with soul purpose. To live free of conditioned paradigms (that do not work for us). And to experience creativity, joy, and wonder.

Still, like most of us, I was trained to follow, ‘fit in,’ and got swept up in conditioned paradigms and expectations. 

When we are young, we learn by observing and adapting to our worldly surroundings. We are often told or shown by our parent(s), caregivers, and society at large who THEY THINK we are and should be. It’s about WHO they want us to be, WHAT they want us to do, say, or behave like, and what they think we should DO. This can create an immense amount of confusion.

Unconsciously, we can become controlled and led by beliefs that were learned and taught. Often, they do not even have origins in who we are and how we desire to live. It is so incredibly easy to become lost and deviated.

The trouble is, we are beautiful spirits designed to create, express, learn, grow, share, and explore. To live a life that is from us. Meant for us. And to BE FREE of conditioning. Free from the layers of pain, hurt, trauma, shoulds, and have to’s that direct us away from our true nature, uniqueness, and soulful purpose.

It’s painful to be a free-spirited, creative HSP/Empath trying to navigate and fit in where we do not belong. This can result in depression, anxiety, deep discontentment, and frustration, etc. 

The good news is that there are things we can do to retrieve and reclaim those buried or dormant parts of us. The parts and expectations that are not a fit for us. And to heal the parts of us that do not believe it’s possible to be ourselves. So we can do what we love OR take the risk to do something else that is more in line with us!

How do we make the needed changes to align with our purpose/soulful path?

I have had many unfulfilling jobs in my life and a two-decade business that was not soulfully fulfilling for me. I felt deeply bored, stuck, and trapped. My discontentment kept getting louder, and my spirit would no longer let me look away. Making a leap into the unknown felt terrifying. I did not know what my financial future was going to hold. But I knew that I HAD to do whatever it took to find where my soul was longing to be.

I did A LOT of EFT sessions on all the fear, paralysis, terror, guilt, etc. lying under making the change. It took a deep desire, diligence, openness (and a bit of courage) to remove the fears and conditioning so I could realign with my path. But it is so worth it!

And in the end, it ALL turned out even better than I could have imagined!

You know the expression ‘the universe has your back’? Well, once I cleared all the energetic blocks and fears, things started falling into place. I felt utterly ‘taken care of’ in the broader sense. And I believe everyone can access it if that is in their heart and soul’s desires!

The power of alignment:

I was listening to an interview with EFT Master Carol Look, and she sums this up extremely well by saying, “…appreciation is the energy of alignment. Manifestations follow emotions, and when you are in the emotion of appreciation, that is when things start to shift on that vibrational (or energy) level.”

When we are in the alignment or frequency of flow, life can bring us all kinds of miraculous things with ease. Ideas, solutions, inspirations, seeing things differently, opportunities.

Look goes on to say that, “when we are in alignment, we are open to all possibilities and can appreciate them when they arise.” 

Yes!! I have seen this over and over in my own life! So, to get into alignment, we need to remove the incongruencies (aka negative limiting beliefs, fears, etc.). Then life energy is free to flow in us, and we can create joy and beauty through our alignment! 

How EFT Helps us to Get Into Alignment With Our Uniqueness and Soulful Purpose:  

Shoulds, have to’s, guilt, shame, fear, mistrust, etc., are NOT in the energy of alignment. What is? Authenticity, passion, purpose, curiosity, meaning, trust, faith, expressing our uniqueness and true selves.

Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT) helps us learn about, observe, hear, and accept how we FEEL. With honesty and compassion, we can honour what’s happening (unconsciously) in our inner worlds! It helps us to gain clarity, insight, and inner knowing. When we are open, we can better understand ourselves and the parts and places that need care and healing.

It has helped me gain insight and understanding in a profound way. I have developed compassion for myself. Freed myself from layers upon layers of conditioned thoughts and beliefs. Released deep emotional pains and burdens. BE me. Live and create a life in line with me.

EFT also helps us to regulate our nervous system so that we experience more balanced calm. Then, with openness and curiosity, we can hear our inner knowing, wisdom, and what our spirits reveal to us!

We Are Not Meant to Fit Into or Conform to Societal Norms and Structures!

We are here to find, reveal, and cultivate the path that is unique to only us!

I am in awe of how beautifully unique everyone is. Unique gifts, talents, abilities, goals, passions, desires, energetic vibration, and soulful purpose(s). Each of us is an essential piece of the bigger puzzle of existence here on Earth.

From my perspective, free Spirited HSPs and Empaths are here to assist in breaking free of old, toxic, harmful, and worn-out institutions and paradigms. We can see/feel/know things that are not aligned with truth and love. So we have essential elements to offer and contribute to healing in the world/planet.

The world needs the energy, skills, compassion, love, care, heart, creativity, kindness, peace, wisdom, etc. of HSP/Empaths…

Getting Support to re-emerge with Soulful Purpose in your Business (as an HSP/Empath):

I am here to support you in celebrating your uniqueness. To help you re-emerge as who you were (before being caught up in cultural and societal conditioned and false beliefs about yourself). If you don’t feel like you fit or belong – you are not meant to!

Book a 15 min discovery link call and we can begin to honour and discover your unique soul’s path!! What you dream of, lights you up, gives you goosebumps, and fills you with joy, freedom, and aliveness!! 

What if you could authentically do what you love AND experience the universe’s support via financial security?

Would you be doing something different in your business right now? Elsewhere?

Let’s explore and see!

Tamara

 

Welcome to Sensitive Soul Path

I am passionate about Highly Sensitive People (HSP) and Empaths living beautifully authentic and inspired lives!

 

 I delight in assisting people to gently uncover the parts and places (in us) that are longing and need to be heard. Our feelings and body sensations hold MUCH wisdom! Often, we try to push away feelings we have labelled as uncomfortable, scary, wrong, or shameful. In locking them in, we cannot hear and understand their deeper meaning, what they are really trying to communicate to us. It also affects our energy and interest levels, and health. 

 

When we gently give voice to locked-in emotions and sensations, we can discover the gifts and wisdom they offer and become energetically free to BE ourselves completely! 

 

  1. Where is your inner voice and soul’s purpose guiding and directing you (to which people, situations, service, passions, gifts, etc.)?

          2. What is wanting to be heard, said, released or done?

 I love to work with HSPs and Empaths that love to do safe, deep inner exploring work to release the layers that do not serve them and their purpose, such as

 

  • clearing and unravelling the energetic blocks along their soul path. These could be unconscious beliefs we took in as a child. 
  • to break free from harmful conditioning in all its forms that do not fit our soul’s purpose and embrace all of themselves and a life fulfilling and authentic to them! 
  • energetically removing yourself from being bogged down by other people’s negative energy or expectations, e.g. do you stay in a situation because of guilt and shame? 
  • clearing the energetic residue of what is keeping you stuck and paralyzed in places and situations that do not resonate in harmony with your souls. 
  • external drains and pressures that do not come from our true desires 
  • clearing the blocks and barriers to accepting and caring for ourselves at the deepest levels.
  • balance our sensitive nervous systems

 If you answered ‘Yes!’ to any of the following questions, Emotional Freedom Techniques (EFT or ‘Tapping’) and/or Pranic Healing could assist you. Please ask me how! 

 

Do you?

  • want and need to make a significant change, but fear, guilt or shame is leaving you paralyzed, preventing you from taking that leap?
  • feel bogged down by other people’s expectations, societal pressures, and early conditioning? 
  • are you aware of how many expectations you have of yourself that don’t actually belong to you?
  •  feel like you do not fit into society and the existing paradigms and institutions?
  • is the pace of society too busy and rushed for you and your nervous system?
  • struggle with SHOULDS? And as a result, feel like you are not living a life in alignment with your TRUE self?

 Does any of this leave you feeling frustrated, bored, disillusioned, anxious, angry, depressed, unfulfilled, stuck, etc.? 

 

While avoiding external pressures can feel challenging on many levels, ultimately, this is what I believe:

 

 We (HSP Empaths) are not meant to try and “fit in”; we are meant to SEE and FEEL and BE in the world from OUR unique perspective and soul’s purpose!! 

Emotional Freedom Techniques are especially helpful in supporting HSP Empath healing and empowerment:

Emotional Freedom Techniques (also called EFT, or “Tapping”) is a masterful way to gain clarity and insight. EFT helps remove the energetic and emotional blocks, fears, beliefs, and emotions (such as shame) from the body.

Struggle and/or emotional pain is a block or disruption in our body’s energy system. Our body gives us clues through feelings and sensations about what is happening within us (e.g. a sore stomach, tight chest). Similarly, it tells us how we feel around others and in certain environments. 

In other words, our body tells us when something is not in alignment. With that awareness, we have the power to shift it.

Benefit of an EFT practitioner and Energetic Freedom Coach for HSP/ Empaths:

My goal is to provide a SAFE, compassionate, secure, and non-judgemental space for you to peel back the layers to release what no longer serves you (aka all those SHOULDs).

SHOULDs, HAVE TOs, and other people’s expectations don’t have to hold you back from your passions and stop you from embracing your brilliant, sensitive, and empathic nature.

You CAN live a life in a way that feels TRUE to you….

If you are curious about how EFT can help you care for your HSP Empath nature, I’d love to have a no-pressure chat.

Reach out and schedule your free 15-minute call today or email tamara@sensitivesoulpath.com

Warmly, Tamara